February 26, 2015

Being 40+

I've been in a weird place lately. I'm about to be a mother to a teenager and it's left me freaking out a bit. Not because he's bad (although he is very moody most of the time) but because I'm trying to figure out where the last thirteen years have gone.  Am I really still at the same job I'm tired of but stay at because it's easy, I can work from home when I need to, and pays well?

Yes I am.  Giving up that flexibility seems foolish. especially while I still have kids living at home. If I don't die from boredom before my youngest turns 18, it will be a miracle.

I thought about looking for a new job a millions times. I've also thought about a different career a million times. I don't think I have it in me to start all over. At this point in my life I'm missing that "go get it" attitude.  I just don't have it anymore. I feel like I made a career decision when I was 18 (and clueless) and that sealed my fate to sit behind a desk until I die.

I guess that sounds ominous to anyone who might be about to start college but I don't think it's all that uncommon to want to do something different 20 years later. I just realized this May marks 20 years since I graduated from college.  I have zero desire to go back so you see the pickle this puts me in.

I'm starting to understand what it means to have a mid-life crisis.  I'm not in crisis mode (yet), but wow, I get it.

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